Dear diary, i'm not fooled š·
april, I see you boo, but I'm still taking it one day at a time.
Iām not crazy about perfection as a standard but yesterday was pretty perfect.
I woke up on time (love it when that happens) to the sound of my alarm on an irritating yet practical Google home. In a dreamy haze, I rolled over to stroke Vickās hair because if Iām awake, he should be too. Sitting up in bed, I stretched my arms a little and noticed yet another toothpaste stain on my pjs. Why the fuck do I keep doing this? š
Getting ready was a treat. I added a few more curls to my hair (yes, I now own a curling iron) and went through several spritzes of hairspray, dry shampoo and perfume. Checking the time, I smiled at my own punctuality. Smug bitch. Right now my biggest goal in life is to carve out an hour each morning to enjoy the rapture of the worldās silence and indulge in silly little things like getting ready. Itās a joy to not rush the ritual of combing mascara through your lashes. I decided to stick to my all black uniform of cargo trousers, a black cropped jumper and acne boots. According to the weather app, it was gonna be 19 degrees today āĀ celsius. Wtf.
I walked ten minutes to the G train and managed to catch my bestie and her gorgeous little nugget on Facetime. Usually we miss each other but not today. It was a good omen. Harriet, if youāre reading this babe, that call made my day! I spent most of the time on the train to work in reflective meditation. The past few weeks, like the past few years, continue to feel like a blur. Iām always checking the calendar to see what the actual date is. Winter was passed, two-weeks in LA were over, and the writing class thatās changed my life was also coming to an end ā all moments wrapped up in a big fluffy blanket that I canāt find the opening of. So I used the subway ride to do a little sorting.
I made it to the office and as usual, before going in, I craned my neck to look at the building in all its glory. So frickinā tall. Thereās something quite sexy about getting to your desk and taking off your jacket. Almost like, āhey, Iām here,ā even if youāre not actually announcing it to anyone. Breakfast, meetings, lunch, more meetings, chit chat, snacks and an earl grey later, I looked out to the window and up towards the George Washington bridge. No real complaints. I blinked and the day was over.
Putting my airpods in, I took a stroll down the High line (almost a decade later and still one of my fav things to do here) and people watched along the way. An older man sat on a bench people watching as well. A couple with their heads stacked on one another, looked out to the west side highway. Laughter in the distance. Sirens. People just being people.
I got off at 23rd and made my way to a gallery. My friend Quyn invited me to a launch and even though I could only stay for like 25 mins, Iām really glad I went. It was a reminder that thereās a lot to be seen, heard and consumed in 25 mins. We shared the best goodbye hug and thatās when I felt IT: A huge wave of hope gushed through me. Not that hope was a stranger or anything but these days itās been coming and going in spurts; in moments of new experiences and adventures and less so in the ordinary.
And thatās when I think hope is the most remarkable. When you find a sense of optimism in everyday shit. I felt high. Walking towards 23rd and 8th, I told myself I should put this feeling in my notes app asap. āThis is my latest diary entry,ā I whispered to myself, one white wine deep lol.
And just when I thought it was all of my own doing and will, I saw the most beautiful fucking tree blossoming. So beautiful, I couldnāt even take a pic. It was love at first sight and it had nothing to do with me.
Happy spring,
H š¤
Fam, I have exciting news to share: You can now read Dear Diary in the new Substack app for iPhone. Check it outttttttttttttttt.
Itās giving New York Times Bestseller!
Love this, spring is springing and thanks for reminding me that I too need to slow down and embrace the moments ā¤ļø