I was laying in bed with the hyperice gun thingy to my calf and when it started playing in my head:
“Things have been so crazy and hectic (crazy and hectic)
I shoulda gotten back by now (back by now)
But you know how much I wanted to make it (wanted to make it)
It's probably better anyhow (better anyhow)…”
Karaoke hassssssss to be on my top 5 fav Drake song’s list. It’s a bangerrr.
Just so you know, I’m not gonna comment on the current Drake/Kendrick beef because I’m too old for that shit and they are as well.
Anyway, it came out of nowhere. I had just gotten back from dinner with two angels and was double cleansing my face (K-beauty for the win) when that soft drum beat intro danced into my head:
“So if you gotta go (gotta go)
If there's anything I should know (I should know)”
All of a sudden my heart ached for that time. For my friends in england who I don’t get to speak to half as much as I want to. For Yo and I sitting on my bedroom floor at uni drinking a Southern Comfort and Coke, ‘Thank Me Later’ on repeat. For being able to drive home in 45 mins on the M25, then M4, to have a cuppa with the rents.
For 2011.
All week I’d been thinking about how to write about the peonies I bought the week before, and how they never bloomed. What did it all mean? It had to mean something, no?
And then I heard Karaoke and it all made sense.
You put the tea in the kettle and light it
Put your hand on the metal and feel it (metal and feel it)
But do you even feel it anymore? (Feel it anymore)
I remember when you thought I was joking
Now I'm off singing karaoke (karaoke)
Further than I've ever been, oh whoa oh
So if you gotta go (gotta go)
If there's any way I can help (I can help)
I know, I know, I sound more melancholy than I feel. It’s the Drake effect.
But it really fucking hit you know. This song about things not aligning. About things turning out different than you imagined. About growing in a different direction.
The day I picked up the peonies from a bodega in Williamsburg was a warmish New York spring Saturday. Kinda like this:
I had just gotten a facial and instead of filling my day up with a buncha sheit, I decided to pick up some flowers, head home and write. It was simple and easy. Nothing worth over thinking.
Almost two weeks later, life stresses filling up each day, pollen fucking my whole vibe, things not going to plan, I still don’t feel like removing the dead peonies from their vase.
It wasn’t how I imagined it would be.
The peonies just chose a different direction.
And maybe it wasn’t the worst thing after all.
Ttyl xo
This one really hit.