Sleepy beauty 😴
Awakening to co-existence during the next 100 years.
On Sunday I went to the beach and if you asked me what the date was, or what month or year we were in, I probably couldn’t tell you.
I’ve been in an existential haze lately — or maybe for a while, but the whole point here is to not define time so let’s rock with it) — navigating how to co-exist with everything we now know about the world and the four foundational pillars it’s been built around: white supremacy, the patriarchy, capitalism, and colonialism — which is all basically one big stew of shit formed around the belief that only a certain type of human deserves life, anywho.
So I’m at the beach looking into the horizon, and after all these years on this planet I still can’t quite fathom the colors that are born when the sky kisses the sea at sunset. Kissing is still so underrated. The frustrating thing about residing in the fog, is that we miss the small beautiful moments and I’m trying really hard not to do that. For everything we extract from our planet, I don’t want to miss the micro moments that remind us of just how fucking special this place is.
But here I am at Jacob Riis, co-existing. Simultaneously thinking about how much I miss my family more than usual, getting a hot dog, and the multiple genocides taking place. It will always and forever be: Free Palestine, and Congo, and Sudan, and Punjab, and the list quite literally goes on. 💔 My sophisticated brain goes down a 30s downward spiral before it comes back up again just in time for me to take out my phone and film the stillness at dusk. Because did it really happen if I didn’t capture it? Who knows.
A couple weeks ago, I couldn’t stop taking afternoon naps. Moving through my foggy fatigue, I wrote:
“My body’s been calling and I don’t wanna answer.
It’s because it’s calling at the wrong time of day. At 3pm in the middle of work.”
I don’t know where it was going but that was the thought. I was hoping I’d have more color to add to this picture but nope. For all things my body usually craves, all I want to do is sleep. The weight of the world requiring more rest than usual. The brain truly needing to switch the fuck off before we get back on the hamster wheel and keep grinding.
In moments like this, when I’m leaning strongly towards difficult emotions, I wonder if i’m the only person in the world feeling this way, but conversations with loved ones remind me otherwise. A few weeks ago (couldn’t tell you the date if I tried) a friend came over and I cooked her a steak that unfortunately resembled a penis… I tried not to read too much into that symbolism but I did feel better when she told me that she too was constantly fucking tired and in need of multiple naps a day. The body wants what it wants. This need for rest, to shut down, maybe even disappear for a few breaths isn’t individualistic. It comes from our current collective energy as we continue to navigate realities and dualities (mixtape dropping soon 🕶️). We’re all tired and that’s okay.
In this blurry foggy existential haze where time doesn’t exist, it’s also summer in the Northern Hemisphere. Through all the chaos, I’ve still managed to frolic, wear cute fits, and have cute dates with my friends. I left a job I love and a company I just spent two years at in order to take a bet on myself. I’ve continued going to pole classes because every time I learn something new, I’m reminded that at any given moment, I can change my circumstances. I planted roots on my balcony in the form of herbs, marigolds, tickseed, and ivy, and every other day I get to go outside and talk to my green babies and take in their goodness. Yesterday I even added mint to my salad straight from my balcony. It was so lit I couldn’t believe it. The micro moments that remind me we’re so alive, all co-existing side by side.
You know who’s not taking naps though? Nature. Nature has never slept on what it needs to do to keep this planet in orbit and I think we really need to take note of that shit. Nature never loses hope, probably because it doesn’t have to choose between a bunch of pricks to run a country, but still, it stays alive and thriving, ready for us to appreciate it whenever we want. Sidebar: some notes on the relationship between climate justice and our collective liberation worth a swipe ⬇️
But look, if naps are what we need in order to awaken to new possibilities, then more power to us. This reminds me to pick up the book my homie got me by founder of The Nap Ministry, Tricia Hersey called ‘Rest is Resistance’.
Lately, I’ve found comfort in the existential haze, using the veil of the fog as a blanket instead of restraints. The limited visibility only showing me what’s truly in front, giving me just enough to keep moving forward, because the whole picture, all at once, every waking second of the day is fucking scary and only leads to paralysis.
🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊
On Sunday July 28th, at around 7pm, I took a dip into the ocean and let the water wash away the fears of the future. I floated on the waves and held my breath under water for a few seconds.
And when I emerged, feet dancing on top of the sand, water droplets caressing every part of my body, I felt well-rested.
Excellent as usual my talented friend :)
Thanks for sharing your biggest fan